Are you a Narcissistic Parent?

Recognising a Narcissistic Parent

— An Article by www.ComeBroken.co.uk

Parenting is meant to be a sacred stewardship—a calling to nurture, guide, and protect children as they grow into their divine potential. Yet, for some, the role devolves into a stage for validation, control, and unmet emotional needs. A narcissistic parent can warp love into conditional affirmation, demanding their child reflect their worth. At Come Broken, we know that healing begins with seeing the truth—even if it's painful.

What Does Narcissistic Parenting Look Like? (Psychological Lens)

From a psychological standpoint, narcissistic parents often display patterns such as:

• Self-focus and grandiosity: The child becomes an extension of the parent’s ego, valued more for achievements than for who they truly are.

• Lack of empathy: Emotional needs of the child are often dismissed or met only when serving the parent’s mood or image.

• Conditional affection: Praise, warmth, or stability are given—and withdrawn—based on compliance or performance.

• Control and manipulation: Guilt, shame, silent treatment, or favoritism become tools to enforce obedience.

• Projection of expectations: Children are made to live out their parents’ unmet dreams, turning identity into sacrifice.

These dynamics sabotage a child’s sense of worth, autonomy, and emotional safety.

Cultural Nuance: Narcissistic Parenting in African Homes

In many African contexts, several cultural themes intersect with and can conceal narcissistic tendencies:

• Authority elevated above affinity: Respect for elders is deeply valued and encouraged biblically. However, when healthy boundaries blur, children’s voices are silenced merely to uphold authority.

• Family honour over individuality: A child’s success—or failures—reflect on the entire family. Their personal preferences become secondary to preserving the family’s image.

• Suffering as entitlement: Parents may use past sacrifices (“I did without for your sake”) as emotional leverage, making love feel transactional rather than freely given.

• Suppression of emotions: Expressing sadness, frustration, or dissent may be deemed disrespectful or a weakness in households where emotional restraint is seen as strength.

• Spiritual manipulation: Some parents may harbor spiritual authority, invoking obedience scriptures—such as “children obey your parents” (Ephesians 6:1)—to suppress healthy questioning, undermining authentic, loving discipleship.

The result can be children who are afraid to consent to their own identities, or who cannot articulate pain for fear of dishonouring or disappointing those they love.

Biblical Contrast: The Healing Alternative

Narcissistic parenting fails to reflect the type of love God models throughout Scripture:

• Ephesians 6:4 cautions fathers not to exasperate their children, but to raise them in the “training and instruction of the Lord.”

• 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 beautifully describes love as patient, kind, humble—not boastful or seeking its own way.

• 1 Thessalonians 2:7 paints parenting as gentle, nurturing, like a caring mother—not lordly or manipulative.

• Psalm 147:3 offers this promise: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

• Psalm 27:10 reminds us, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.”

The Gospel reorients parenting: love becomes a mirror of Christ’s patient, self-giving nurture—not a quest for adoration.

The Wounds: How Children Are Affected

The impact of growing up around narcissism can linger well into adulthood:

1. Identity confusion: Who am I, separate from my parent’s expectations?

2. Chronic insecurity: Emotional turbulence born from conditional affection.

3. Perfectionism and fear of failure: Because mistakes were met with disapproval—not grace.

4. Emotional suppression or dysregulation: Difficulty in syncing with one’s own feelings or expressing them honestly.

5. Trust issues in relationships: Either expecting control from others—or becoming overly submissive to “safe” people.

6. Spiritual alienation: Wrestling with the concept of God as a loving Father if human fathers were emotionally absent or harsh.

   
   

A Path Forward: Grace, Identity, and Healing

Though painful, healing is possible:

• Embrace a stronger identity in Christ, not defined by performance or approval.

• Establish healthy boundaries, gently truthful—even if that means redefining family dynamics.

• Cultivate emotional literacy, perhaps through therapy, spiritual direction, or trusted communities.

• Anchor your story in the Gospel, allowing God—the compassionate, empathic Father—to rewrite the narrative you’ve lived.

At www.ComeBroken.co.uk, we believe no childhood wound is final—but every story can be redeemed by God’s healing, patient love. If you’ve grown up under a narcissistic parent, remember this: God sees you. He meets you in your wounded places, heals you in your brokenness, and loves you just as you are.

We are here to walk with you through these struggles and remind you that healing is possible in Christ.

If you need help we offer a FREE initial 20 minute virtual counselling session - email us at willandefe@comebroken.co.uk

"Come Broken - But dont leave the same"