Are You Married to a Narcissist?

Marriage is designed by God to be a covenant of love, respect, and mutual sacrifice. Ephesians 5:25 calls husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” and Ephesians 5:22 reminds wives to “submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.” God’s vision for marriage is one of humility, service, and selfless love.

But what happens when your spouse is the opposite of these biblical traits—self-centered, manipulative, and emotionally destructive? This may be the painful reality of being married to a narcissist. I know for a fact that for a number of years in our marriage, i displayed some actions that resonated with narcissism. I believe we all have these traits within us but we must not allow it to rule our very existence.

What is Narcissism?

Narcissism is more than just selfish behavior. A narcissist often shows patterns of pride, control, manipulation, and lack of empathy. They may constantly seek admiration, belittle their spouse, twist the truth, or make everything about themselves.

The Bible warns about such traits:

• “But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.” (2 Timothy 3:1-4)

This description mirrors the destructive nature of narcissism.

Signs You May Be Married to a Narcissist

Here are some key indicators:

• Lack of Empathy: They dismiss your feelings or minimize your pain.

• Control and Manipulation: They twist situations to always appear right.

• Constant Criticism: They belittle your worth to maintain power.

• Gaslighting: They make you doubt your own reality or memory.

• Self-Centeredness: The relationship revolves around their needs and desires.

Proverbs 21:24 says, “The proud and arrogant person—‘Mocker’ is his name—behaves with insolent fury.” This pride-filled behavior destroys intimacy and unity in marriage.

The Spiritual Battle in a Narcissistic Marriage

Being married to a narcissist can make you feel trapped, broken, and spiritually drained. But remember—your identity is not defined by your spouse’s treatment of you, but by who you are in Christ.

Psalm 34:18 promises: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”Even in toxic relationships, God sees your pain and offers healing.

How Should a Christian Respond?

• Seek God’s Wisdom: Pray for discernment and strength (James 1:5).

• Set Healthy Boundaries: Jesus Himself set boundaries with toxic people (Matthew 10:14). Protect your emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being.

• Seek Godly Counsel: Proverbs 11:14 reminds us, “In the multitude of counselors there is safety.” Speak with trusted pastors, Christian counselors, or mentors.

• Do Not Lose Hope: Romans 12:21 says, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Guard your heart, but remain anchored in Christ’s love.

  
  

Finding Healing in Christ

If you are in a marriage with a narcissist, know this: you are not alone. God has not abandoned you. He offers hope, restoration, and wisdom for the journey ahead.

Isaiah 61:1 declares: “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.”

God specializes in healing the brokenhearted. Your pain can become a testimony of His grace, strength, and deliverance.

Are you married to a narcissist? The truth may be hard to face, but acknowledging it is the first step to healing. Remember, Christ is your refuge, your healer, and your strength. Trust Him to guide your next steps, restore your brokenness, and remind you of your worth as His beloved child.

If this resonates with you, visit www.comebroken.co.uk for resources, encouragement, and biblical support on your journey of healing and restoration.

You can also set up a FREE 20 minute counselling session by sending an email to willandefe@comebroken.co.uk