How a Wife Is Passed on to a Husband in African Culture
- Wilbert Frank Chaniwa
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
A Reflection from Benin (Nigeria) and Shona (Zimbabwe) Traditions — With Biblical Insight
Marriage in many African cultures is not merely the union of two individuals; it is the sacred joining of two families, two bloodlines, and two communities. The process through which a woman is “given” or “passed on” to her husband is deeply symbolic, cultural, and spiritual. It reflects honour, responsibility, family unity, and covenant.
When I reflect on my traditional wedding in Lagos, Nigeria in 2010, when my wife was formally handed over to me according to African tradition, it became clear that marriage is far bigger than the couple themselves. It is a family covenant witnessed by elders, ancestors, and God.
This article explores how this tradition works, particularly in Benin (Edo) culture in Nigeria and the Shona culture of Zimbabwe, and how these customs align with biblical principles of marriage.
1. Marriage in Africa: A Union of Families, Not Just Individuals
Across much of Africa, marriage is understood as a communal covenant. The family of the bride and the family of the groom must both agree and participate in the union.
In many societies, the groom does not simply marry a woman; he marries into a family and a lineage.
The process normally involves:
Family introduction
Negotiations between elders
Payment of bride price or lobola
Blessings from elders
Formal handing over of the bride
In many traditional societies, a woman leaves her father’s household and joins her husband’s household, symbolizing the continuation of lineage and family legacy. �
This is why African marriages involve uncles, aunts, grandparents, and clan elders. The marriage must be witnessed by the wider family so that the couple becomes accountable to the community.
2. The Benin (Edo) Traditional Marriage Process – Nigeria
In Benin culture (Edo State, Nigeria), marriage customs are elaborate and deeply symbolic.
The Identification and Consent Ceremony
One unique tradition is the identification parade, where the bride appears among other women, and the groom must identify her before the families. �
Once she is identified:
The bride’s father asks her if she agrees to marry the groom.
The groom is asked the same question.
Only after both consent publicly does the process proceed.
This moment confirms that marriage is not forced but voluntary and witnessed by family.
Bride Price and Symbolic Gifts
In Edo tradition, the groom’s family presents items such as:
Kola nuts
Palm wine
Yams
Cloth for the bride’s parents
Drinks and food
A symbolic bride price
Historically the bride price could be paid in cowries, later replaced by small amounts of money. �
Importantly, the bride price is not payment for a woman.
Rather it represents:
Gratitude to the parents
Recognition of the family that raised her
The groom’s readiness to care for her
The symbolic items also carry meaning:
Kola nuts: unity and blessing
Palm wine: truth and joy
Yams: prosperity and masculinity
Salt: value and wisdom �
The Moment the Bride Is Given
The most powerful moment in many Nigerian traditional weddings is when the bride’s father or uncle formally hands her to the groom.
The elder usually gives advice such as:
Take care of our daughter
Do not mistreat her
Honour this marriage
This moment represents the transfer of guardianship and responsibility.
The groom now becomes accountable not only to his wife but to her entire family.
3. The Shona (Zimbabwe) Tradition – Roora (Lobola)
Among the Shona people of Zimbabwe, the marriage system is known as Roora, a form of bride wealth similar to lobola practiced across Southern Africa.
In this system:
The groom’s family visits the bride’s family.
Negotiations are conducted by uncles and family elders.
Bride wealth (traditionally cattle, now often money) is paid to the bride’s family.
This payment expresses gratitude for raising the bride and symbolizes the joining of families. �
The negotiations are typically led by:
The bride’s maternal uncle (Sekuru)
The groom’s family representatives
The bride herself may not even speak during the negotiation, because the marriage is considered a family covenant rather than an individual contract.
Once roora is accepted:
The bride is officially recognized as part of the husband’s family.
The husband becomes responsible for her welfare.
Children born belong to the husband’s lineage.
4. The Spiritual Meaning of “Giving Away” the Bride
In African culture, the giving away of the bride has three deep meanings.
1. Transfer of Responsibility
The father entrusts his daughter to another man.
2. Union of Two Families
Marriage connects two clans, not just two individuals.
3. Public Accountability
The community witnesses the covenant.
5. Biblical Parallels to African Marriage Traditions
Interestingly, many African marriage traditions closely mirror biblical marriage principles.
Leaving and Cleaving
Genesis 2:24 says:
“A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.”
This is exactly what happens in African traditional marriages.
The bride leaves her family and joins her husband’s household.
Marriage as Covenant
In the Bible, marriage is also a family covenant, not merely a romantic relationship.
For example:
Abraham sent his servant to negotiate Isaac’s marriage with Rebekah.
Families discussed the union before the couple married.
Genesis 24 reflects the same principles seen in African marriage customs.
Honour for Parents
Bride price or roora can also be seen as a form of honour to the parents.
The groom acknowledges the sacrifice the bride’s parents made raising her.
This reflects the biblical command:
“Honour your father and mother.” (Exodus 20:12)
6. My Traditional Wedding in Lagos, Nigeria – 2010
When I married my wife during our traditional wedding in Lagos in 2010, the ceremony reflected many of these powerful African traditions.
Our families gathered together as witnesses of the union.
There were moments filled with laughter, music, cultural symbolism, and deep family emotion.
But one of the most profound moments was when my wife was formally handed over to me by her family.
At that moment:
I was not only marrying a woman.
I was becoming part of her family.
And I was receiving a sacred responsibility.
Her family entrusted their daughter to me with the expectation that I would:
Love her
Protect her
Honour her
Build a family with her
It was not simply a celebration — it was a covenant moment.
7. Why Family Is Central in African Marriages
One major difference between modern Western marriages and traditional African marriages is the role of family.
In African culture:
Marriage is family-centred.
Families remain involved in:
Conflict resolution
Advice
Support during hardship
Raising children
This is why divorce historically was less common — because marriage had community accountability.
8. The Lesson for Modern Marriage
Modern society often reduces marriage to:
romance
emotions
personal happiness
But African traditions remind us that marriage is about:
responsibility
legacy
family unity
covenant
A marriage rooted in family and faith is stronger because it is supported by generations of wisdom and accountability.
Conclusion
The African tradition of passing a wife to a husband is far more profound than many people realize.
It is not about ownership or purchase.
It is about:
honour
responsibility
family unity
covenant
Whether in Benin culture in Nigeria or Shona culture in Zimbabwe, the symbolism remains the same:
A daughter raised with love by her family is entrusted to a husband who must now protect, cherish, and lead his new household.
And when viewed through a biblical lens, we see that African marriage traditions echo a timeless truth:
Marriage is not merely a contract between two individuals.
It is a sacred covenant witnessed by families and blessed by God.
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