Signs your Spouse is Insecure in your Marriage

Being insecure in a relationship means you don't feel confident in the relationship and fear that the relationship is at risk in some way, typically because you doubt the other person's feelings for you or their commitment to the relationship.

If we don't attend to our insecurities, they often incite fears of inadequacy and abandonment, which can wear down both people in the marriage.

Signs of insecurity in a relationship:

1.

Constantly seeking reassurance

A common example of what insecurity might look like in a relationship is seeking excessive reassurance from your partner to confirm they're still interested in you or still love you. This usually comes in the form of asking the same questions repeatedly or even compulsively, such as:

Are you mad at me?

Do you love me?

Do I look OK?

Constantly fishing for compliments, declarations of love, or displays of affection signal that a person doesn't feel secure in their relationship, which is why they need regular confirmation that their partner is still invested.

2.

Constantly looking for signs of rejection

A person who is insecure in their relationship is constantly scrutinizing the relationship for any signs that their partner may be losing interest in them. They overanalyze every little action and interaction, trying to find evidence that their partner is wavering. "Our insecurities about our lovability make us think that our partner might abandon us at any point. As a result, we may vigilantly watch and listen for any sign that our relationship with our partner is over.

3.

Always deferring to the other person

Another common sign of insecurity in a relationship is when one person always goes along with what the other person says or wants, obscuring their own needs and preferences to appease their partner.

Perhaps we don't tell our partner that we don't like the same music he is interested in because we are worried that we'll lose a significant common interest. Or maybe we don't challenge her restaurant choice because we don't want to seem didisagreeable. Insecurity overtakes our will to speak up because we fear that our partner will not like who we really are."

4.

Avoiding getting too close

Someone who is insecure in relationships may also respond to that fear of rejection by avoiding close relationships altogether. Insecurity can also manifest as emotional distance; a partner who is insecure may pull back to avoid being hurt."

This behavior is known as dismissive-avoidant attachment, or avoidant attachment for short.

5.

Trust issues

Someone who is insecure about their relationship may struggle to trust their partners. They may exhibit chronic jealousy, clinginess, or general distrust toward their partner because they secretly believe their partner is likely to leave them.

6.

Controlling behavior

People who are insecure can be very controlling.

Controlling behavior might look like calling all the shots about what the couple does or doesn't do, disrespecting the partner's privacy and boundaries, constantly texting and trying to check in when they're apart to find out what the partner is doing, or using guilt-tripping to try to get the partner to do something.

It makes an insecure person very anxious if they are not able to control their environment and everyone who is a part of it. Thus, an insecure person can be very controlling toward their romantic partners.

7.

Taking everything personally

Insecure people frequently misinterpret what their partners say or do. They're always seeing their behavior through the lens of anticipated rejection, assuming that every action means their partner is upset with them or losing interest.

8.

Emotional volatility

While people can be emotional for many reasons. An insecure person will often display frequent mood swings. Because they’re struggling with so many intense feelings of fear, anxiety, sadness, and hopelessness, it’s easy to be triggered and become reactive in response to even the smallest of things.

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