“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5–6

Learning to Let Go of Control in the Storms of Marriage and Life

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5–6 (NKJV)

This powerful scripture stands as one of the most quoted and yet most misunderstood commands in the Bible. It is not merely an invitation to believe in God during good times; it is a radical call to relinquish control when life feels uncertain, when storms rage, and when our own logic fails us. To trust God and not lean on our own understanding is to submit our limited perspective to His infinite wisdom — especially in the complex arenas of marriage, personal storms, and life’s unpredictable journey.

The Biblical Foundation: Surrender Over Self-Reliance

At its core, Proverbs 3:5–6 contrasts two systems of living:

Human understanding – flawed, emotional, limited by trauma, culture, fear, and ego.

Divine wisdom – eternal, all-seeing, rooted in truth and purpose.

In biblical times, “heart” was not just emotional but the centre of decision-making, identity, and will. God is therefore calling us to trust Him not partially, not conditionally, but wholly — with our reasoning, emotions, plans, fears, and uncertainties.

Leaning on your own understanding often feels safe because it is familiar. Yet Scripture reminds us that what feels logical may be spiritually misaligned. Isaiah 55:8 affirms this truth:

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord.”

To trust God is to recognise that He sees the entire map, while we only see the next bend in the road.

Storms: When Logic Fails but Faith Sustains

Storms, whether emotional, financial, relational, or spiritual, test the authenticity of our trust. In a storm, human understanding screams:

“Fix it now.”

“Control the outcome.”

“Run away.”

“Force your will.”

But God’s wisdom often says:

“Be still.”

“Wait.”

“Grow.”

“Surrender.”

The disciples experienced this reality in Mark 4 when Jesus slept in the storm. Their understanding saw danger; Jesus saw a lesson. Storms are not always signs of divine absence but often instruments of divine shaping.

Psychologically, storms trigger the brain’s survival response — fight, flight, or freeze. Trusting God in these moments requires overriding this biological instinct with spiritual discipline. It is learning to calm the nervous system by anchoring it in faith rather than fear.

Storms expose where control has replaced trust. They reveal whether we worship God or our ability to predict outcomes.

Marriage: Trusting God When Understanding Your Spouse Feels Impossible

Marriage is one of the greatest testing grounds for Proverbs 3:5–6. There are moments when your spouse’s behaviour, decisions, silence, or emotional distance makes no sense. Human understanding seeks justification, retaliation, or escape. Divine trust seeks wisdom, patience, and surrender.

Leaning on your own understanding in marriage often sounds like:

“I deserve better.”

“They will never change.”

“I must protect myself at all costs.”

“This is who they are forever.”

Trusting God in marriage sounds like:

“Lord, show me how You see them.”

“Heal what I cannot fix.”

“Teach me to love beyond my perception.”

This does not mean tolerating abuse or unhealthy behaviour. It means allowing God to guide your response rather than allowing emotions or pride to lead the narrative. Biblical trust in marriage brings humility, forgiveness, and divine strategy where human reasoning produces conflict.

Culturally, modern society teaches independence over interdependence, instant gratification over endurance, and self-preservation over covenant loyalty. Proverbs 3 challenges this narrative by inviting couples to build their union not on emotional understanding alone but on spiritual submission.

Life: Navigating the Unknown with Faith

Life itself is filled with crossroads: career decisions, health battles, unanswered prayers, disappointments, and delayed promises. Our culture glorifies self-made success, personal autonomy, and intellectual dominance. Yet Scripture calls this pride, not wisdom.

Psychologically, we are comforted by certainty. We plan to feel safe. But life refuses to be predictable. Trusting God is not passive resignation; it is active dependence.

When we don’t lean on our understanding, we:

Accept that confusion does not equal abandonment

Embrace that delays are often divine development

Understand that God’s silence is not God’s absence

To “acknowledge Him in all your ways” means to invite God into every decision, not just crises. It is the daily practice of surrender, prayer, obedience, and humility.

Psychological Insight: Control vs Trust

From a psychological perspective, leaning on one’s own understanding often stems from:

Childhood trauma

Fear of vulnerability

Past disappointments

Need for control

Anxiety about uncertainty

Trusting God requires emotional security, spiritual maturity, and intentional unlearning. It heals the nervous system from hypervigilance and teaches the mind that it is safe to release control.

Trust reduces stress. Faith lowers anxiety. Surrender breeds peace.

Cultural Conflict: Faith vs Modern Independence

Culture says:

“Believe in yourself.”

“Trust your instincts.”

“Follow your heart.”

God says:

“Trust in Me.”

“Deny yourself.”

“Follow My ways.”

This tension makes obedience difficult. But the fruit of trusting God is clarity, peace, direction, and spiritual growth. The path of self often leads to exhaustion. The path of surrender leads to alignment.

Directed Paths: The Promise of Divine Guidance

The promise in Proverbs 3:6 is not perfection but direction. God does not promise a smooth path — He promises a guided one. When we trust Him, He:

Corrects our missteps

Redirects our delays

Strengthens our patience

Refines our character

He becomes the compass in the storm, the counsellor in marriage, and the architect of our future.

Faith is the Courage to Let God Be God

To trust God and not lean on your own understanding is to live with spiritual courage — the courage to surrender explanations, outcomes, and expectations. It is a daily invitation to exchange control for confidence in divine wisdom.

Storms will come. Marriages will be tested. Life will twist in unexpected ways. But those who trust God are not walking blindly; they are walking guided.

When understanding fails, trust carries you.

When emotions cloud, faith clears the path.

When logic collapses, God remains steady.

And in every storm, every marriage struggle, every life chapter — His direction never falters.

“Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever.” – Psalm 125:1

Will & Efe Chaniwa

Co Founders - Come Broken

Rooted in Christ Ministries