What Marriage Has Taught Me as a Husband: 15 Years of Lessons on Love, Honesty, and God

Fifteen years of marriage is not just a milestone—it’s a journey of refinement, self-discovery, and grace. When I look back over the years, I realise marriage has been one of God’s greatest classrooms. It has taught me more about myself, about love, and about God than any other experience. Being a husband to my wife Ceci has not only shaped my character, but it has also revealed how deeply we need divine guidance, honesty, and humility to build something that truly lasts.

Below are some of the key lessons that have shaped me as a husband and continue to guide me each day.

1. Marriage Is God’s Refining Fire

Marriage is not simply a union between two people—it’s a covenant before God. And like all covenants, it’s tested through time, trials, and truth. My wife and I have endured massive trials and we even thought our marriage would come to an end. We have learned that God doesn’t use marriage to make us happy all the time; He uses it to make us holy.

When two imperfect people come together, differences will always arise. But it’s in those moments of tension and misunderstanding that God refines our hearts. Through my wife, I’ve learned patience, forgiveness, and humility—qualities that only grow through surrendering pride. Spiritually, I’ve come to understand that God uses marriage as a mirror, showing us not what’s wrong with our spouse, but what still needs healing within ourselves.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” — Proverbs 27:17

2. Honesty and Transparency Are the Lifeblood of Trust

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that trust is built through truth. Marriage cannot thrive on hidden emotions, unspoken pain, or half-truths. Early in our journey, I was not honest about finances, amongst many other things. I discovered that silence in marriage can sometimes speak louder than words—when you hide your true feelings, frustrations, or fears, it builds invisible walls that eventually suffocate love.

Psychologically, transparency allows emotional safety to grow. When you can speak honestly without fear of judgment, you create a space where both hearts can heal and connect deeply. Spiritually, transparency mirrors our relationship with God—He desires truth in our inward parts (Psalm 51:6), and He blesses marriages built on integrity.

Honesty is not always comfortable, but it is always necessary. It’s through uncomfortable truth that intimacy deepens and mutual respect strengthens.

3. Prioritizing God Above Everything Else

If I’ve learned anything after 15 years, it’s this: when God is not at the center, everything else falls apart. Decisions made without prayer often lead to confusion, but when God guides your steps, peace follows—even in uncertainty.

My wife and I have faced moments where human logic failed us, but faith didn’t. From financial challenges to parenting decisions, we’ve learned that seeking God’s direction together is not optional—it’s essential.

Spiritually, when a husband leads his family in submission to God, the entire home aligns with divine order. Psychologically, it creates unity and stability. When both partners are anchored in God, they stop fighting each other and start fighting for each other—with God as their defender.

“A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” — Ecclesiastes 4:12

4. Conflict Is Not the Enemy—Pride Is

After 15 years, I can confidently say that conflict itself doesn’t destroy marriages—how we handle it does. My wife and I fought a lot. Disagreements are inevitable; we are two different people with unique perspectives and emotions. But pride, defensiveness, and ego turn simple issues into emotional warfare.

Through trial and error, I’ve learned that humility disarms conflict. Sometimes it means being the first to apologise, even when you’re not entirely wrong. It means listening not to respond, but to understand. Psychologically, this approach lowers emotional defensiveness and builds empathy.

Spiritually, I’ve seen that humility invites God into the conversation. The moment we stop trying to “win” an argument and instead aim to restore peace, we reflect the heart of Christ in our marriage.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.” — Matthew 5:9

5. Love Is a Daily Choice, Not a Feeling

Feelings change; commitment doesn’t. Love that lasts isn’t fueled by emotion—it’s sustained by intention. There were days when I didn’t feel loving or appreciated, yet I chose to love anyway. And that choice often reignited the emotion later.

Psychologically, consistent loving actions strengthen attachment and trust. Spiritually, choosing love reflects God’s unconditional nature toward us. His love isn’t based on how good we are—it’s based on who He is. Marriage has taught me to mirror that divine consistency.

“Love never fails.” — 1 Corinthians 13:8

6. Leadership Is Servanthood

Being a husband is not about dominance—it’s about service. True leadership in marriage means sacrificing ego, comfort, and sometimes personal dreams for the good of the family.

Jesus, the ultimate example of leadership, washed His disciples’ feet (John 13:14). That act redefined leadership as humility in action. As a husband, I’ve learned that my strength is shown not in control, but in compassion. My role is to protect, provide, pray, and partner with my wife—not to overpower her.

7. Forgiveness Is Freedom

There can be no lasting marriage without forgiveness. Resentment poisons intimacy and blocks God’s blessings. Psychologically, unforgiveness keeps couples trapped in cycles of emotional reactivity. Spiritually, forgiveness releases healing power—both for the giver and the receiver.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring pain; it means choosing not to let pain control your peace. Every time we forgive, we make room for God’s grace to do what human effort cannot.

After 15 years, I’ve realised that marriage is not about perfection—it’s about progression. It’s a covenant that matures with every storm weathered, every prayer whispered, and every lesson learned.

If I could summarise my journey in one sentence, it would be this: A successful marriage is not built on two perfect people, but on two surrendered hearts choosing God and each other daily.

My prayer is that every husband learns that true strength is not in being right—but in being righteous. And every couple remembers that when God is the foundation, no storm can bring the house down.

Wilbert Chaniwa

Co Founder - Come Broken

Rooted in Christ Ministries

Author- 21 Reasons to Stay Married