When Marriage Becomes an ATM: How “Get-Rich-Quick” Marriages Happen

Marriage is supposed to be a covenant: two people joining lives, resources and futures. But in some relationships, one partner treats marriage like a transaction — a shortcut to financial security, social status or rapid upward mobility. This article looks carefully (and compassionately) at why some people use marriage as an “ATM,” how post-divorce settlements can amplify incentives, the cultural and psychological forces at work, what Scripture says about money and marriage, and practical warning signs men should pay attention to.

What do we mean by “marriage as an ATM”?

When I use the phrase “marriage as an ATM” or “get-rich-quick marriage,” I’m referring to relationships where financial gain (directly or indirectly) is the primary motive for entering, maintaining, or dissolving a marriage. That can take many forms:

Marrying primarily for access to a partner’s income, assets, business connections or visa/status benefits.

Using the marriage to improve social standing, gain introductions, or access high-value networks.

Prioritising short-term monetary gain in a divorce — e.g., extracting settlements, alimony, property, or favourable custody/arbitration outcomes.

Important caveat: not every marriage that ends with a financial settlement involved a “gold digger.” Many divorces are complex and legitimately require financial remedies for fairness and protection of children. The point here is to understand patterns, incentives and red flags — not to stigmatise every divorced person.

Cultural drivers: why this appears more often now

Several broad cultural shifts make transactional marriages more visible and, in some contexts, more attractive:

Economic inequality and social mobility pressures. In contexts where wages stagnate but visible wealth increases, marriage can be seen as a route to a materially better life.

Celebrity and influencer culture. High-profile relationships that revolve around branding, sponsorships and public image normalize the idea that partners can be sources of income or platforms.

Social media and commodification of relationships. Public displays of luxury and curated lifestyles make material gain an explicit goal for some relationships.

Changing gender roles and expectations. As women gain greater financial independence, so do their options — but in some cases, the pursuit of economic security is still channeled into relationship strategies like “marry up.”

Legal frameworks around divorce and support. Laws that allow spousal maintenance, generous settlements in certain jurisdictions, or favourable family courts may create incentives (or at least perceived opportunities) for extracting finances via dissolution.

Psychological motives and profiles

There’s no single “type” who uses marriage as a money machine, but several recurring psychological themes are useful to understand:

Materialism and status orientation. When a person’s self-worth is tied to possessions and external markers, they may prioritize financially beneficial relationships.

Entitlement or opportunistic traits. Some people show a pattern of pursuing opportunities for gain with less concern for relational or moral costs.

Attachment and survival strategies. Insecure attachment histories or economic insecurity can lead someone to seek financial safety through relationships rather than through independent means. What looks like opportunism can sometimes be a coping mechanism.

Narcissistic or manipulative behaviours. People with exploitive interpersonal styles may charm a partner, extract resources and discard the relationship when it no longer serves them.

Pragmatic social strategy. In some cultural settings, marriage as a means of advancement is an accepted — even rational — strategy. The psychology here is more utilitarian than malicious.

Post-divorce settlements: how money is made (and why it can be lucrative)

Depending on the legal system and the couple’s circumstances, divorce can redistribute assets and create ongoing financial obligations. Common routes to significant financial outcomes after divorce include:

Property division. Homes, businesses, investments and pensions can be split. If the other spouse contributed little or no resources toward acquiring those assets, settlements can still award a share based on marriage duration, homemaking contributions, or child welfare.

Spousal maintenance (alimony). Ongoing payments for a period of time — sometimes substantial — can be ordered to help the lower-earning spouse become self-sufficient or maintain a prior standard of living.

Child support and custody settlements. While meant for the child’s benefit, custody arrangements can interact with financial outcomes, for example allowing one parent to retain a family home to provide stability for the child.

Business valuations and settlements. In marriages where one partner is an entrepreneur, valuation disputes and buy-outs can produce large lump sums.

Strategic litigation and negotiation. High-net-worth divorces often involve skilled lawyers who can structure settlements favourably for a client whose legal team is proactive.

Again: these legal avenues are meant to produce fairness and protection, especially for economically disadvantaged spouses and children. But they can be misused by opportunists with legal savvy or by people willing to weaponise litigation.

Biblical perspective

The Bible doesn’t address modern divorce law, but it has clear teaching on money, marriage and character that helps shape a Christian ethical view:

Integrity over gain. Proverbs repeatedly warns against dishonest gain (e.g., “Ill-gotten treasures have no lasting value,” Proverbs 23:4–5 paraphrase). The Bible commends honest work and warns about greed.

Marriage as covenant. Christ’s teaching elevates marriage to a covenantal relationship (e.g., Matthew 19:4–6) — implying mutual responsibility, faithfulness and sacrificial love.

Care for the vulnerable. Scripture calls believers to protect widows, orphans and those who cannot provide for themselves (James 1:27) — which is one reason the community supports fair outcomes in divorce.

Warnings about the love of money. “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil” (1 Timothy 6:10) — reminding believers that seeking wealth as an idol corrupts relationships.

Honor and responsibility. 1 Timothy 5:8 teaches the importance of providing for one’s household — a call to responsibility rather than to exploit relationships for gain.

A Christian response balances justice (ensuring vulnerable spouses and children are supported) with warnings against using marriage instrumentally.

Red flags men should watch for (practical and behavioural signs)

Not every woman who asks about money is a “gold digger.” Still, these behaviours — taken collectively and in context — can indicate material or opportunistic intentions:

1. Disproportionate emphasis on lifestyle and status early. If conversations quickly focus on designer items, expensive travel, homes and social climbing rather than mutual life goals, it can be a signal.

2. Reluctance to discuss practical finances or share ordinary costs. Persistent avoidance of splitting bills, contributing proportionally, or showing transparency about money.

3. Fast-tracking relationship milestones for practical benefits. Pushing for marriage quickly without long-term relational investment, especially when there’s a clear financial or immigration incentive.

4. Inconsistency between presented life and verifiable reality. Inflated stories about income, inheritance or social connections that don’t check out.

5. Pattern of multiple short, high-benefit relationships. A history of partnering with people who were wealthier followed by expensive separations can be telling.

6. Reluctance to integrate lives beyond appearance. Insistence on separate legal/financial arrangements while enjoying social marriage perks, followed by evasiveness around commitments.

7. Manipulative behaviour under stress. Using pregnancy, threats of false allegations, or emotional blackmail to gain leverage. (If this occurs, get legal advice immediately.)

8. Heavy use of litigation as first resort. Threats to litigate over trivial matters to extract concessions.

Use these signs as prompts to investigate — not as automatic judgement. Context matters.

Practical safeguards (how men can protect themselves without becoming paranoid)

Open conversations about money early. Discuss values, debts, assets and expectations before marriage. Transparency builds trust and exposes major mismatches.

Prenuptial agreements. A fair prenup can clarify expectations, protect premarital assets and simplify future disputes. It’s not unromantic — it’s practical.

Separate accounts + clear household finance plan. Decide how household expenses will be shared, who pays which bills and how savings/ investments are handled.

Document financial contributions. Keep records of large gifts, loans and payments to the partner; this prevents later disputes over whether something was a gift or a loan.

Slow courtship and third-party accountability. Invite mentors, pastors or trusted friends into the process when big decisions are being made. A slower timeline reveals patterns.

Seek competent legal and financial advice early. If you suspect manipulative behaviour or are entering a high-net-worth marriage, consult a lawyer and financial planner.

Emotional intelligence and boundaries. Be aware of your own vulnerabilities (loneliness, need for approval, status desires) and don’t make vows from a place of scarcity.

Consider premarital counselling. This reveals value alignment, conflict styles and long-term plans in a neutral setting.

It’s tempting to caricature “gold diggers” as malicious villains and every divorced spouse as opportunistic. Reality is more nuanced. Economic desperation, cultural norms, personal histories and genuine need all play a part. For men, the goal is not suspicion but wisdom: protect your resources, be honest about expectations, and choose a partner after real relational depth has developed.

For communities and churches, the response should be twofold: teach healthy financial and relational values (honesty, stewardship, sacrificial love) while ensuring vulnerable spouses and children receive just support when marriages fail. Scripture calls both men and women to integrity, and that call should shape how we enter and exit marriage — with hearts aimed at faithfulness, not profit.