Why men are marrying far less — and why commitment has shifted

Marriage used to be the default adult script: finish education, get a job, marry, raise a family. Today that script is fraying. Across rich and middle-income countries marriage rates have fallen sharply over recent decades, and large cohorts of young people — men in particular — are delaying or forgoing marriage altogether. Below I unpack the hard numbers, the social and psychological forces at work, what this means for men, and how the Church and Christian communities can respond with both truth and compassion.

The headline numbers you need to know

Marriage rates are low and falling. In the OECD the crude marriage rate in 2022 sat between about 3 and 5 marriages per 1,000 people, with an OECD average of ≈4.3 per 1,000 — a clear decline from the 1990s.

A dramatic recent example: China. Registrations there fell ~20% in 2024, from about 7.7 million marriages in 2023 to ~6.1 million in 2024 — the largest single-year drop reported and a signal of rapidly changing attitudes and economic pressures.

In the United States and elsewhere, never-married shares are rising. For example, as of 2021 a record 25% of 40-year-olds in the U.S. had never been married (up from 20% in 2010), and a growing share of working-age adults live without a spouse or romantic partner. Men are now more likely than before to be unpartnered.

This is a global, multi-decade trend. Cross-national compilations (Our World in Data / UN / OECD) show marriage incidence has declined across many regions since the late 20th century; what we’re seeing now is the continuation — in some places an acceleration — of that long trend.

What’s driving the decline in men marrying and in commitment?

These forces overlap and amplify one another. No single explanation suffices — but together they explain why many men are stepping back from formal marriage or from serious commitment.

1. Economic pressure and insecure prospects

High housing costs, student debt, precarious jobs and delayed career stability make many men feel they cannot “provide” in the traditional sense. Where cultural expectations still link male identity with economic provision, this creates shame or avoidance. In countries with sharp youth unemployment or steep housing markets (think many cities globally and the specific pressures reported in China), prospective grooms postpone or reject marriage for financial reasons.

2. Educational and economic sorting

Across many societies marriage has become stratified: people with steady incomes and higher education are more likely to marry, while lower-income men face steeper barriers to forming long-term unions. That creates a population of men who are socially and economically excluded from the “marriage market.”

3. Changing gender roles and mistrust

Greater gender equality and the rise of women’s independence have shifted expectations. In some cases this has produced conflict: men who were raised with an older model of masculinity struggle to adapt to partnerships where both partners work and negotiate roles. Meanwhile, publicised stories of abuse, power imbalances, or social conflicts between men and women can feed mistrust and reluctance to commit.

4. Individualism, delayed life courses and new priorities

Young adults increasingly prioritise education, travel, personal fulfilment and career. The life markers that used to trigger marriage — finishing education, stable first job, early home purchase — occur later or not at all. With more life options, marriage becomes optional rather than imperative.

5. Digital dating, choice overload, and commitment anxiety

Dating apps increase choice and short-term hooking up while often reducing opportunities for slow, face-to-face relationship building. Constant choice can feed a “grass is greener” mentality and produce commitment anxiety: if you can always find someone ‘better’, taking a permanent step like marriage feels riskier.

6. Mental health, social isolation and male help-seeking patterns

Rising rates of anxiety, depression and social isolation among young men — combined with cultural reluctance to seek help — make emotional vulnerability and sustained relationship labour harder to sustain. Many men lack close same-sex friendships and mentors who model healthy committed relationships.

The psychological shift: from duty to self-fulfilment (and the costs)

Sociologists often summarize the large cultural change simply: societies moved from “marriage as duty” to “marriage as choice,” and more recently to “marriage as self-fulfilment.” That shift means:

Expectations of marriage are higher. People expect emotional fulfillment, friendship, sexual satisfaction, financial partnership and personal growth from one relationship — a tall order.

The tolerance for compromise falls. Where marriage once included economic necessity and extended kin networks that enforced ties, modern couples are less willing to remain together when expectations aren’t met.

Men’s identities are in flux. Traditional masculine scripts (provider, protector) are weakening while new scripts (emotionally literate partner, co-parent) require skills many men weren’t taught. Without formation, confusion and avoidance follow.

Psychologically this looks like: increased fear of failure, attachment insecurity (avoidant patterns), and an internal cost–benefit calculus that often tips away from long-term commitment.

Why this matters for the Church

Marriage is not merely a social institution — it’s a sacrament and covenant in Scripture. When men withdraw from commitment, it harms families, children, communities, and the witness of the Church. The Bible teaches marriage as a picture of Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5), as a covenantal bond (Malachi 2:14–16; Matthew 19:6), and as a foundation for flourishing family life.

Key verses to hold:

Genesis 2:18 — “It is not good for the man to be alone.” (Marriage as God’s design for companionship.)

Ephesians 5:25 — “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Call to sacrificial leadership.)

1 Corinthians 7:39 / Matthew 19:6 — the permanence and seriousness of marriage.

Proverbs 18:22 — “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” (Value of committed union.)

These passages call the Church to preach, model, and equip — not shame or scold — and to understand the very human reasons people delay marriage.

Practical — and pastoral — solutions (what can be done)

1. Teach covenantal masculinity (formation, not just instruction)

Churches should intentionally disciple men in a biblical vision of masculinity that emphasizes character, humility, service and emotional maturity. This can be done through men’s groups, mentorship (older men mentoring younger men), and marriage preparation that addresses money, conflict, communication and theology of marriage.

2. Relationship education early and often

Offer premarital courses, dating-wise workshops, and cohabitation counselling that teach practical skills: conflict resolution, financial planning, sex and intimacy, expectations, and parenting preparation.

3. Create economic and social scaffolding

Where possible, churches and Christian charities can connect men to job training, apprenticeships, affordable housing information and financial coaching. Material security reduces shame and increases marriage readiness.

4. Mental-health care and community

Destigmatise counselling in male spaces. Offer group therapy, prayer ministry for mental health, and pastoral referral pathways to professional help. Help men build same-sex friendships and accountable communities where vulnerability is modelled and practiced.

5. Model healthy marriages and fatherhood in public worship and ministries

Invite married couples to testify honestly about struggles and growth, spotlight faithful fathers, and create family mentorships (e.g., a young couple paired with an older godly couple).

6. Reframe vocational teaching in the local church

Help young men see vocation (work, calling, ministry) as compatible with family formation — equip them to balance career and family, not choose one to the exclusion of the other.

7. Encourage Christian dating cultures

Create church spaces for wholesome courtship: social events, chaperoned or group activities where relationships can develop slowly and intentionally without the noise of internet dating.

We must avoid two temptations. First, the temptation to blame and shame men for every failing of the marriage rate. Second, the temptation to idealize modern choices that fracture families without weighing spiritual and social costs. The gospel calls us both to mercy and to holy clarity: mercy for wounded, anxious, and economically insecure men; clarity about the beauty and responsibility of covenantal love.

Scripture invites men into a costly, counter-cultural love that looks like Christ’s love for the Church (Ephesians 5:25). That love is learned by practice, shaped in community, and supported by structures — economic, social and spiritual. If the Church commits to forming men — economically, emotionally and spiritually — we will see more men step into marriage and faithful commitment, not because society coerces them, but because they have been formed to love sacrificially.