Why Women in 2025 Are Resisting Biblical Submission in Marriage

In many Christian communities, the doctrine of “biblical submission” — typically meaning that a wife is to submit to her husband’s leadership in marriage — has long been taught as a foundational ideal (e.g. Ephesians 5:22-24, Colossians 3:18). Yet in 2025, there is a noticeable resistance among many women to this teaching.

What’s behind this shift? What are its psychological and cultural roots? What signs does it show in relationships? And how might Christian couples think through remedies that are faithful to scripture, healthy emotionally and spiritually, and culturally aware?

Psychological, Cultural, and Social Causes of Resistance

Here are several interlinked causes:

1. Cultural change and feminist influence

Broader societal norms have shifted sharply in recent decades toward gender equality, individual autonomy and self-fulfillment. Many women now expect that marriage should be a partnership of equals. Feminist theology and social movements have challenged traditional role-prescriptions, arguing that “submission” has often been misused to justify inequality, abuse, or suppression.

2. Negative experiences or misuse of submission doctrine

When submission is taught without balance, compassion, mutual respect or boundaries, it can lead to abuse, suppression or loss of identity. Women who have seen or experienced husbands who use “submission” to silence, control, or dominate may understandably reject the doctrine entirely.

3. Psychological needs for autonomy and identity

Modern psychology underscores that healthy functioning often requires individuals to feel autonomous, competent, and respected. For many women, the idea of submitting feels like giving up autonomy, or being defined by another’s will rather than one’s own sense of self.

4. Awareness of power dynamics

Research shows that submission is closely connected to power: when one spouse sees themselves as having less power in conflicts, women with more traditional gender role beliefs tend to respond with more submission. But such submission correlates with worse marital satisfaction over time.

5. Interpretation difficulties in scripture

The Bible contains many passages about submission (e.g. Ephesians 5:22-24, Colossians 3:18), but it also contains strong passages calling husbands to sacrificial love, respect, kindness, and mutual service (e.g. Ephesians 5:25-29, 1 Peter 3:7). Many women feel that too much emphasis is put on the submission texts and not enough on the reciprocal responsibilities.

6. Religious coercive control & abuses of authority

In some cases, submission has been twisted into religious manipulation. Studies of “religious coercive control” show that some partners use the doctrine as a tool to control, silence or abuse their spouses. Women who experience this may resist submission not because of rejecting Christian faith, but because they reject how submission has been wielded in their lives.

7. Changing education, economic opportunities, and social mobility

Women today are more educated, work outside the home more often, have careers, financial independence, and exposure to broader views via media. These changes shift expectations: many women no longer accept roles that were historically prescribed, and have stronger expectations of mutual respect, shared decision-making, voice and influence in marriage.

Signs that Biblical Submission is Being Resisted

How does this resistance often show itself in real marriages or in attitudes?

Reluctance or refusal to accept unilateral decision-making

When decisions are routinely expected to come from the husband without joint discussion, many women push back or insist on shared decision making.

Discomfort or rejection of the word “submission”

Some women feel the term is demeaning, archaic, or automatically suspicious because of how it has been abused in the past.

Demand for reciprocity

Women often ask: “If I submit, does he also love me sacrificially (Ephesians 5:25), honour me (1 Peter 3:7), protect me, care for me?” Expecting these things isn’t rebellion; it’s asking for the other half of what scripture teaches.

Emphasis on mutual submission

More marriages now teach or practice “submit to one another” (Ephesians 5:21) as the primary posture, rather than one-way submission.

Setting boundaries

Women may set stronger boundaries around what kind of leadership they will accept — refusing abuse, demanding emotional safety, insisting on fairness in roles.

Seeking alternative models

Some women look to egalitarian Christian theology (which emphasizes equal roles), or reinterpret the biblical text in its historical/cultural context, to find a model that feels just, loving, and respectful.

Spiritual questioning or conflict

Resistance can include wrestling with guilt, shame or conflict: wanting to honour scripture but feeling hurt or unequal under certain expressions of submission.

To examine this faithfully, we need to look at what the Bible actually says, and the tensions or balancing themes.

Passages on Submission and Headship

Ephesians 5:22-24 – “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church...”

Colossians 3:18 – “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fitting in the Lord.”

1 Peter 3:1-7 – Instructs wives in submission, but also instructs husbands to treat wives well, honourably, as heirs with them.

These passages affirm a role or a structure of authority, respect, and order. But note that submission is described “as to the Lord” — implying it’s not blind obedience to any demand, but to Christ’s lordship and moral guidance. Similarly, the husband’s headship is nowhere taught in isolation from love, sacrifice and service (Ephesians 5:25-29).

Passages Emphasizing Mutuality, Love & Respect

Ephesians 5:21 – “Submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”

1 Corinthians 7:3-4 – talks about mutual authority over each other’s bodies.

Galatians 3:28 – “There is neither Jew nor Greek … male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” This affirms equality in dignity, worth and standing before God.

The Bible thus presents a tension: on the one hand, distinct roles; on the other hand, a vision of mutual submission, mutual love, dignity, respect.

How Christian Couples & Churches Might Respond

Given this landscape, what remedies or responses might be faithful, psychologically healthy, and biblically grounded?

1. Re-teach a balanced doctrine of submission

Emphasize that submission in the Bible is always within the context of Christlike love, service, respect, mutual sacrifice. Make sure teaching includes what husbands are required to do: love, care, honour, serve. Show how submission is never a license for abuse or control.

2. Clarify what submission is not

Distinguish between healthy submission and abusive coercion. Submission is not obedience to sin, the covering of abuse, loss of voice or identity. As one writer says: “We do not submit ourselves to violence and harm… rather we submit to a good God and all that is good.”

3. Encourage mutual submission and shared decision-making

Reaffirm Ephesians 5:21: “Submit yourselves one to another”. In practical marriage life, work on decision making together ‒ emotional, financial, spiritual ‒ so that both spouses feel heard, valued, safe.

4. Teach healthy authority and leadership

If a husband is to lead, that leadership must follow the model of Christ: self-sacrificial, servant-like, caring, not domineering. As Ephesians 5:25 instructs: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”

5. Raise awareness of power dynamics

Help couples understand how power (in personality, financial control, social norms) plays out in their marriage. Psychological awareness can help avoid unconscious abuses of power, or psychological harm that arises when one partner always yields under “submission.”

6. Encourage personal growth and identity in Christ

Women (and men) should be encouraged to grow in their gifts, personality, emotional health, service, leadership (where appropriate), so submission does not mean suppression of Christian calling or spiritual gifts. Submission should enhance, not suppress, the flourishing of both partners.

7. Pastoral care & counseling

For marriages where resistance is high because of past trauma, unhealthy authority, or abusive relationships, Christian counseling is vital. A safe space to talk, heal, set healthy boundaries, reconcile doctrine with lived experience.

8. Cultural contextualization

Teaching must be aware of cultural shifts: in many places, women’s expectations, roles, socialization are different. Avoid legalism or rigid formulas; help people apply biblical principles in their specific context with wisdom.

9. Transparency and accountability in church leadership

Churches and leaders who teach submission must themselves model headship that is loving, accountable, humble. Where authority is abused in the name of “headship,” trust is eroded and the doctrine is rejected by many.

The resistance among women in 2025 to biblical submission is not simply a rebellion against Christianity or scripture; it is often a response to real pain, inequality, misuse, and a cultural shift toward autonomy and mutuality.

For Christian marriages to flourish in this moment, we need teaching, relationships, and church cultures that:

Honour the equal dignity of husband and wife;

Emphasize both roles and responsibilities —not just submission but sacrificial love, honour, service;

Avoid abuse, coercion or identity suppression under the guise of submission;

Promote communication, shared power, emotional safety, spiritual growth.

Submission as the Bible teaches it has value — but only when it’s understood rightly, practiced lovingly, and never weaponised.

“Submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” — Ephesians 5:21

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” — Ephesians 5:25