Cowards, Abusers, and Coercive Controllers

The Psychology, the Spirit Behind It, and Why They Always Fail

Abuse rarely begins with violence. It begins with cowardice disguised as control, insecurity masked as authority, and fear masquerading as power. Cowards, abusers, and people who operate through coercive control do not destroy lives because they are strong — they do so because they are deeply weak, fractured, and afraid.

They thrive in secrecy, confusion, and silence. But history, psychology, and Scripture agree on one unchanging truth: they are always exposed, and they always fall.

1. The Psychology of Cowards and Abusers

At the core of abusive and coercively controlling behaviour is deep insecurity and internal shame. These individuals lack emotional regulation, empathy, and a stable sense of self.

Common Psychological Traits

a. Profound Insecurity and Fragile Ego

Abusers are threatened by autonomy, confidence, and independence in others. Rather than rise to health, they attempt to pull others down.

b. Need for Control Over Power

True power empowers. Abuse controls.

Coercive controllers obsess over:

Monitoring movements, communications, finances

Isolating victims from support

Creating dependency through fear and confusion

c. Projection and Blame-Shifting

Abusers project their flaws onto others:

They accuse victims of what they themselves are doing

They deny wrongdoing and rewrite reality (gaslighting)

d. Manipulative Intelligence Without Emotional Maturity

Many abusers are calculating but emotionally stunted. They may appear articulate, calm, or respectable publicly, while being cruel privately.

This split personality is not strength — it is psychological fracture.

2. Why They Target the Vulnerable

Abusers do not attack strong systems. They attack those they believe they can dominate.

They target:

Empathetic people

Spiritually grounded individuals

Those with trauma histories

People seeking peace, love, or belonging

Why? Because abusers believe kindness equals weakness. They mistake patience for permission.

But vulnerability is not weakness — it is human openness, and abusers exploit it until they are stopped.

3. Coercive Control: The Most Dangerous Form of Abuse

Coercive control is a slow psychological imprisonment. It dismantles a person’s identity without leaving visible scars.

Tactics include:

Surveillance and tracking

Financial control

Threats disguised as concern

Legal intimidation

Smear campaigns

Weaponising religion, family, or authority

The goal is not love — it is domination.

Psychologically, coercive control destroys:

Self-trust

Decision-making ability

Sense of reality

Emotional safety

This is why many victims struggle to leave — not because they are weak, but because their sense of self has been systematically eroded.

4. The Cowardice Beneath Abuse

Abusers avoid accountability at all costs.

They:

Hide behind institutions

Manipulate others to fight their battles

Use fear instead of dialogue

Attack in secret but perform innocence in public

Scripture describes this perfectly:

“The wicked flee though no one pursues.” (Proverbs 28:1)

A person who must intimidate, stalk, control, or silence others is not powerful — they are terrified of exposure.

5. The Biblical Roots of Abusive Behaviour

From a biblical perspective, abuse is a fruit of pride, fear, and rebellion against God.

a. Abuse Is the Opposite of God’s Nature

God’s authority:

Protects

Serves

Restores

Gives freedom

Abusive authority:

Dominates

Destroys

Enslaves

Steals identity

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” (John 10:10)

Abuse mirrors the nature of the enemy, not God.

b. God Explicitly Condemns Oppression

“Woe to those who make unjust laws, to those who issue oppressive decrees.” (Isaiah 10:1)

God is not neutral about abuse. He stands firmly with the oppressed and promises consequences for those who exploit power.

c. Darkness Cannot Coexist With Light

Abusers rely on secrecy. God exposes.

“For everything that is exposed by the light becomes visible.” (Ephesians 5:13)

This is why abusers panic when victims speak up. Truth is their greatest enemy.

6. Why Abusers Always Fail

They may appear to succeed temporarily, but their systems are unsustainable.

a. Lies Collapse Under Weight

Every manipulation requires another lie. Eventually, the contradictions surface.

b. Victims Heal and See Clearly

Abuse numbs, but healing restores clarity. When victims regain their voice, the abuser loses power.

c. Justice Is Built Into Creation

Psychologically, socially, spiritually — abuse triggers consequences.

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:7)

7. Exposure Is Inevitable

Abusers fear exposure because exposure means:

Loss of control

Loss of reputation

Loss of influence

Legal and social consequences

God specializes in public exposure of hidden wickedness.

“He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness.” (1 Corinthians 4:5)

Justice may be delayed, but it is never denied.

8. A Word to the Victim

If you have been targeted:

You are not weak

You are not foolish

You are not to blame

You were targeted because of your humanity, your empathy, and often your light.

God sees. God records. God restores.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

9. A Warning to Abusers

Power taken by fear will always be taken back by truth.

Control gained through harm will be lost through justice.

Repentance is the only escape. Exposure is the alternative.

Truth Always Wins

Cowards abuse.

The wounded control.

The proud oppress.

But truth outlives terror, light outlasts darkness, and justice always arrives.

Abusers may delay their reckoning — but they cannot escape it.

Because God is not silent.

And truth never stays buried.

Will & Efe Chaniwa

Co Founders - Come Broken

Rooted in Christ Ministries