Deflection

Deflection is a tactic where someone avoids criticism or blame by shifting the focus or responsibility onto something or someone else.

Deflection is a psychological defense mechanism, which is essentially a way of protecting oneself from experiencing uncomfortable emotions like anxiety, pain, guilt, or distress

I have been guilty of this in my marriage whenever I get caught up in a situation that makes me feel uncomfortable after I have done something wrong and have been caught.

Men and women in relationships constantly use this tactic without even knowing it.

Some examples include:

• “Why are you making such a big deal out of this? Stop being dramatic.”

• “Why are you getting so upset about this? Don’t be so uptight. Learn how to chill.”

• “Why are you fighting with me about this? That’s so mean. You’re hurting my feelings.”

• “You’ve always known this is what I’m like. Why can’t you accept me for who I am?”

• “What about the time when you did X? I didn’t get mad at you for it.”

• “I had to do Y because you did X, so it’s really your fault.”

• “I didn’t tell you about this because you always overreact

Deflection is about protecting one's self-image instead of taking responsibility. If one feels guilty or inadequate about something they did, deflection pushes that feeling away by shifting the focus on to something else.

The mature thing to do when one makes a mistake is to admit it, take responsibility for it, and take steps to correct it.

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