When Fathers Become the Source of Pain: Understanding, Healing, and Hope

A father is meant to be a protector, a provider, and a reflection of God’s love within the family. But for many wives and children, the person who should bring safety and stability becomes a source of pain. Some fathers are harsh, manipulative, emotionally abusive, or spiritually oppressive—creating an atmosphere of fear instead of love. This article explores why some fathers behave wickedly, how wives and children can protect themselves and heal, and how such men can change through God’s grace.

1. The Psychology Behind Wickedness in Fathers

At the root of many cruel or abusive behaviours is brokenness and unhealed trauma.

No man wakes up one morning and decides to be evil toward his family. Often, the seeds of wickedness are sown in childhood.

Unhealed Childhood Wounds:

Many abusive fathers grew up in homes where they experienced neglect, rejection, or violence. Without emotional healing, they repeat what was modeled to them. Psychologists call this intergenerational trauma.

→ “The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”

Narcissism and Control Issues:

Some men develop narcissistic tendencies—seeing their wives and children not as individuals but as extensions of themselves. They crave admiration, dominance, and control. When challenged, they retaliate with anger, silence, or manipulation.

Emotional Immaturity:

A father who never learned emotional regulation may resort to shouting, intimidation, or withdrawal. He mistakes fear for respect.

Spiritual Darkness:

The Bible reveals that wickedness in families is not only psychological—it’s spiritual.

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers, and rulers of the darkness of this world…” — Ephesians 6:12

The enemy’s goal is to corrupt fatherhood, because it distorts the image of God the Father in the minds of children.

2. The Biblical View of a Wicked Father

The Bible does not ignore the pain caused by wicked men. Proverbs speaks directly about them:

“The Lord’s curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the home of the righteous.” — Proverbs 3:33

A wicked father is one who:

Abuses his authority instead of serving his family (Ephesians 5:25).

Provokes his children to anger (Ephesians 6:4).

Mistreats his wife instead of loving her as Christ loves the Church (Colossians 3:19).

When a man refuses correction, suppresses his conscience, and justifies cruelty, his heart grows hard. Yet, even then, God’s mercy still calls him to repentance.

3. How Wives and Children Can Protect Themselves

a. Set Boundaries:

Abuse—whether emotional, verbal, or physical—is not to be tolerated.

It is not ungodly to seek safety. God never calls anyone to remain in danger.

“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” — Proverbs 22:3

b. Seek Help and Counsel:

Reach out to trusted pastors, Christian counsellors, or local domestic support services.

Silence empowers the abuser; speaking up exposes darkness to the light.

c. Pray for God’s Protection and Peace:

Invite the Holy Spirit to dwell in your home. Pray over your children daily. Even when the father’s influence is negative, a praying mother’s intercession can shift the spiritual atmosphere.

d. Preserve Emotional Health:

Encourage children to express their pain safely. Suppressed emotions can lead to depression, fear, or rebellion later in life. Christian therapy or family counselling can help rebuild healthy self-worth and trust.

4. The Pathway to Healing for Wives and Children

a. Release Bitterness:

Holding on to anger gives the past continued power. Healing begins with forgiveness—not to excuse wickedness, but to free your heart.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32

b. Rebuild Identity in Christ:

Many children raised by cruel fathers struggle with self-worth. But God says,

“I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters.” — 2 Corinthians 6:18

Your true Father is perfect, loving, and kind. He restores what earthly fathers broke.

c. Connect to a Faith Community:

Healing often happens in healthy relationships. Surround yourself and your children with godly mentors and spiritual family who reflect the Father’s love.

5. How Wicked Fathers Can Change

There is hope even for the hardest heart.

a. Genuine Repentance:

Change begins when a man faces the truth of his sin. He must acknowledge, not excuse, his behaviour.

“He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” — Proverbs 28:13

b. Submit to Accountability:

A man serious about change must be accountable to mature Christians, counsellors, and mentors who can guide him through repentance and emotional healing.

c. Allow God to Transform the Heart:

No self-help book can cure wickedness—only God’s Spirit can renew the heart.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you.” — Ezekiel 36:26

d. Learn New Ways of Love:

Men must re-learn what it means to lead, love, and nurture. This involves humility, patience, and studying Christ’s example as the perfect husband and father.

6. Final Word: God Still Heals Families

If your father or husband has caused you deep pain, know this: God sees.

He is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), and He will heal what was shattered.

God can raise beauty from ashes, restore trust, and rewrite generational stories.

Even if the earthly father failed, the Heavenly Father never will.

Through Christ, love, safety, and peace can return to your home.

Written by Will & Ceci : www.comebroken.co.uk

Theme Scripture: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” — Psalm 147:3