Why Some People Want to Tear Your Marriage Down

The Spiritual, Psychological, and Relational Battle Against Marital Unity

Marriage is not just a social contract. It is a divine covenant—a spiritual union God created to reflect His nature, His love, and His kingdom on earth. Because of that, marriage is constantly under attack. Sometimes the attacks come from obvious enemies, but often they come from unexpected places: family members, friends, and even people who claim to love you.

Understanding why this happens is crucial to protecting your marriage, guarding your heart, and staying united.

1. Marriage Unity Is the Enemy’s Primary Target

From the beginning, Satan has hated unity—especially unity between husband and wife. The first relationship he attacked in Scripture was marriage (Genesis 3). Why?

Because marriage reflects God’s image.

“So God created mankind in His image… male and female He created them.” — Genesis 1:27

The unity of man and woman was designed to reflect God’s nature, and anything that reflects God becomes a target.

Because marriage creates generational blessing.

Strong marriages produce strong children, strong families, and strong societies. The devil attacks marriage to destroy identity, legacy, and purpose.

Because unity invites God’s presence.

“Where two or three gather in my name, I am there with them.” — Matthew 18:20

“A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” — Ecclesiastes 4:12

A united marriage is powerful, resilient, and spiritually fortified. This threatens the enemy more than almost anything else.

Because marriage brings sanctification.

Marriage shapes character, obedience, humility, and spiritual maturity. Anything that draws a person closer to God is a threat to Satan.

So the enemy uses people—sometimes unaware—to weaken or destroy that unity.

2. Why Some People Want to Tear Your Marriage Down

Not every attack is conscious. Not every action is malicious. But broken people often spread brokenness, and insecure people often attack what they envy. Here are the major reasons:

A. They Are Threatened by Your Unity or Happiness

Marriage creates a level of closeness that some people cannot handle—especially if they feel abandoned, insecure, or jealous.

Psychologically

Jealousy arises when people compare your marriage to their own life pain:

A friend who is lonely may resent your companionship.

A sibling may feel replaced.

A parent may feel they are losing control.

Someone with a broken relationship history may envy your stability.

Some subconsciously sabotage because:

Your healthy marriage exposes their dysfunctional one.

Your happiness triggers their unresolved wounds.

Your unity reminds them of what they lack.

“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” — Proverbs 14:30

Envy makes people act irrationally—criticizing, undermining, gossiping, or sowing seeds of doubt and division.

B. They Still See You as Belonging to Them

This especially happens with:

Parents

Siblings

Long-term friends

Former romantic partners

Some people cannot accept that your spouse is now your primary human relationship (Genesis 2:24).

“A man shall LEAVE his father and mother and be UNITED to his wife.” — Genesis 2:24

The leaving must happen emotionally, mentally, and relationally—but many people resist this.

They feel:

“I’m losing access to you”

“I don’t have the same influence anymore”

“Your spouse is replacing me”

This insecurity can manifest as:

Negative comments about your spouse

Criticism of your marriage decisions

Passive-aggressive behaviour

Attempts to pull you away through guilt

C. Broken People Project Their Trauma onto Your Marriage

People who grew up around:

divorce

cheating

abuse

unhealthy communication

mistrust

…often struggle to believe in healthy marriage. They project their wounds onto you.

They may say:

“All men cheat.”

“Don’t trust women.”

“Marriage is a trap.”

“Enjoy it while it lasts.”

Psychologically

This is called projection and confirmation bias.

They want your marriage to fail so their worldview feels accurate.

Biblically

“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” — Proverbs 23:7

Broken beliefs produce broken fruit.

D. They Have Hidden Motives or Control Issues

Family members may want to control:

your finances

your time

your decisions

your loyalty

When marriage shifts your priorities, they sabotage as a way to regain power.

Friends may feel:

replaced

less important

ignored

Some stir drama to remain relevant.

Biblically

“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” — Amos 3:3

Some people want to walk with you in life, but not according to God’s order. When your marriage disrupts their plan, conflict arises.

E. The Enemy Uses Their Weaknesses

Not every attack is personal—many are spiritual.

Satan uses:

their insecurity

their bitterness

their trauma

their jealousy

their brokenness

…as open doors to whisper division, suspicion, or conflict into your marriage.

“We wrestle not against flesh and blood…” — Ephesians 6:12

People are the instruments, not the real enemy.

3. How Friends and Family Become Tools of Division

1. Through Poor Advice

People who:

lack wisdom

are single

are hurting

are worldly

are immature

often give reckless advice that undermines unity rather than builds it.

2. Through Taking Sides

Some family members create division by:

telling you only what you want to hear

silently resenting your spouse

encouraging separation rather than reconciliation

3. Through Gossip and Misinformation

A simple misunderstanding becomes marital warfare when:

stories are twisted

private issues are shared

sides are taken

outside voices become louder than your spouse’s

4. Through Emotional Manipulation

This includes:

guilt-tripping

claiming abandonment

creating drama

demanding unnecessary allegiance

5. Through Meddling in Decisions

Parents or friends imposing opinions on:

parenting

finances

where you live

church choices

lifestyle decisions

This drives a wedge between you and your spouse.

4. Psychological Themes Behind These Attacks

1. Envy and Inferiority Complex

People attack what makes them feel inferior.

2. Fear of Abandonment

Those emotionally dependent on you may sabotage to keep you close.

3. Control and Manipulation Tendencies

Some find identity in controlling you.

4. Trauma Response

Unhealed trauma makes them mistrust marriage.

5. Projection and Confirmation Bias

They want your marriage to reflect their worldview—often a negative one.

5. How to Protect Your Marriage from These Attacks

1. Strengthen Your Unity

Your spouse must be your first human priority.

2. Set Firm Boundaries

Jesus loved people but maintained boundaries—even with His own family (Mark 3:33–35).

3. Stop Oversharing

Your marriage is not a community project.

Protect your privacy.

4. Pray Together Daily

A praying couple is a powerful couple.

5. Create a “We Are One” Culture

Every decision, every conflict, every challenge should come from a mindset of unity.

Marriage is a spiritual battlefield because it carries generational power.

People—knowingly or unknowingly—may attempt to tear it down, especially when they are:

insecure

jealous

unhealed

controlling

fearful

manipulated spiritually

But when a husband and wife unite under God, they become an unbreakable force.

“What God has joined together, let no man separate.” — Matthew 19:6

Protect your unity.

Guard your covenant.

Recognize the spiritual war.

And remember—your marriage is worth fighting for.

Will & Efe Chaniwa

Co Founders - Come Broken

Rooted in Christ Ministries